230 THE ADVOCATE
VOL. 80 PART 2 MARCH 2022
my wife, but we worked on it and focused on the children. We were doing
OK. Then COVID-19 happened. At first, I thought I was doing OK. I found
the isolation freeing at first, with no distractions from my work, and with
no commuting I was focused on work and very efficient and productive.
First, the gym closed, and I stopped doing my regular workouts. I also
stopped going to in-person meetings with groups and with people. My volunteer
activities were greatly curtailed. Work seemed to be flowing
smoothly, and for some reason I stopped playing my guitar. In other words,
I stopped doing all, or at least most, of the things that I liked to do and that
were nurturing me. Vacations were out. We couldn’t go anywhere, and who
wants to do a staycation? Or, to be more precise, who can do a staycation?
Not me. I would be drawn back to work. So, many months into the pandemic,
I started to feel “off”. I couldn’t quite define it. I was less happy. I
started to snap or be short with my wife and kids. I didn’t look forward to
my work. I was drinking every day—not just a drink or two—while watching
TV. I had never been one to watch TV, but suddenly it was my main “hobby”.
Somehow it had all seemed to be reasonable and acceptable. Little by little,
I had made my life so small and unsatisfying.
I remembered LAPBC. I had advised others to use their services, and once
I had even called them to get advice on how to deal with an associate who I
thought had a problem. I never thought I would be calling for myself. One
day, I had a particularly tough time getting up in the morning and decided
to call. I immediately spoke to a person who was friendly and inviting.
Almost immediately, he understood what I was talking about. I was so glad
he was a lawyer as well as a counsellor. He reassured me that what I was
experiencing was common and thanked and congratulated me on reaching
out for help. We talked about my practice until I felt at ease. We then talked
about what was not working. With his help, I was quickly able to see what I
had done to myself and how I had made my life so small and squeezed the
joy out of it. I had homework to do, and between sessions I worked on that,
and slowly I started to do the things I had set aside. It was more difficult than
I could have imagined, and I am so grateful for the support I received until
I was in a healthy rhythm and able to set up other supports to continue to do
healthy things. For instance, I got a coach to help me get back into exercising,
took some guitar lessons to help me get back into playing and took the mindfulness
course LAPBC offered to help with meditating.
My relationships at home have improved, and I am mostly enjoying my
work again. Both those things have contributed to my sense of well-being,
and I am on the road to being my old self, or a new version of myself. I am
still eager for COVID to end and have some anxiety around that, but I am
making progress.